Thursday, July 02, 2020

Something to do....

I haven't looked at this in years.

I have been feeling anxious lately. The whole world is in actual chaos. People are unsure about how life works now. For me, I just don't know what to do with myself.

I fill my time. I still work two jobs, which is better than some people. I never applied for unemployment, so no bonus cash from the feds. Money isn't too important to me right now. I have that going for me. Thankfully, I have few expenses.

I decided to started writing this in an effort to do something. I spend a good bit of time trying to figure out what to do with myself. I sometimes get stressed at work from just having seemingly everything happen at once. Work can give me focus, though. At least when I go to work, I have something to do. I have something to work towards, even if it is the end of the day.

I am the only employee working at my "night" comic book job. The boss stepped up and is still finding his feet getting back to actual work and not just delegating. I just have to step up my usual tasks. It doesn't help that the comic book industry used everything going on as a springboard to screw more things up for me. I know it wasn't a personal attack. It is mainly poor timing at a terrible time to throw more chaos and stress on an already near mentally breaking time.

This is just a bit of stress relief. I have more hobbies than I can handle. I like too many things, but am not a true fan of any of them. Nothing is really "my thing". I still have a terrible habit of attempting to throw money at a thing in the hope that I'll enjoy it. I have bought video games and played them once. I buy books to flip through and pretend I may read them some day. I have models to build and paint and no desire to choose which ones to do first. An excuse of not wanting to screw it up is fleeting. I could always just buy a new one to attempt to get that desire feeling again.

Who knows? Maybe this will trigger something in me. Maybe I will start writing a bit here again. Even it if is just something to do. At least it feels like a slight sense of accomplishment. That is all work is now, a sense of accomplishment when I struggle to get started. Still, I didn't have to get back on here to write, Luckily, it was automatically logged in because this site is owned and run by Google. Saves some time.

All right. I think that is enough for now. We'll see how long this lasts. One step at a time...

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Start the New Year

Part of what I wanted to do this year was to "do more stuff". It is a nebulous thing, but something I thought I could accomplish.

I went to the movies to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens for the second time tonight. It was good. I still think it is a great movie. I would absolutely see it again and contribute to it beating Avatar for the most profitable movie ever.

After the movie, I went to the First State to see my co-worker play a show with his band, The New Shields. It was a a bar called 1984 and focuses on  retro arcade games. I was not nearly good enough at Street Fighter as I used to be, and pinball was a bit too pricey for my blood. $1 per play is not ideal.

It was a good time. Plenty of cute girls. Me being too shy to say anything. I had fun hanging out with my friends. I ran into a guy I know from work. I even got complimented on my beard from some random guy. I'll take what I can get.

It was a good night. I should do it more often.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Halloween Mix for 2015

What is this? A post? No way!

Every year, I try to make a new mix for Halloween.
I say every year, but of course there were some year I skipped. I started in 2002, and made 5 through 2008. I started back up in 2011 with The Return, and have had an annual one since.
So, here is the list for this year:

Halloween 2015
  1. 1. Rob Zombie – Transylvania Transmissions Pt. 1
  2. 2. Rihanna – Disturbia
  3. 3. Mötley Crüe – Shout at the Devil '97
  4. 4. Tegan and Sara – Walking With A Ghost
  5. 5. Kyuss – Demon Cleaner
  6. 6. The Edgar Winter Group – Frankenstein
  7. 7. 45 Grave – Evil
  8. 8. The Atomic Fireballs – Man With The Hex
  9. 9. The Fuzztones – She's Wicked
  10. 10. The Fat Man and Team Fat – Mr. Death
  11. 11. Johnny Cash – Ain't No Grave
  12. 12. Dissection – Where Dead Angels Lie
  13. 13. Scrappy Cartoon – I'm A Ghost
  14. 14. John Massari – Killer Klown March
  15. 15. Ozzy Osbourne – Hellraiser
  16. 16. Anthrax – Bordello of Blood
  17. 17. The Cramp – Human Fly
  18. 18. Chvrches – Bella Lugosi's Dead
  19. 19. Siouxsie and the Banshees – Spellbound
  20. 20. Buddy Baker – Swinging Wake
  21. 21. The Brass Action – The Devil Down Below
  22. 22. The Fleshtones – Dracula A GoGo
  23. 23. Ghost B.C. - I'm A Marionette
  24. 24. Imogen Heap – Getting Scared

​As you can guess, it is fairly eclectic. There is some stuff from soundtracks, random stuff I found and even a video game song. There is also a supreme lack of Misfits and other Halloween-esque staples. I have used them a bunch of times. It is getting increasingly more difficult to come up with varied songs.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

I still come here.

I am feeling antsy again.

I need to do something creative. I have no idea what that something is, but I am going to push my way towards... something, anyway.

I read an article recently that a friend of mine posted on Facebook, "Ten Rules of Writing" by Amitava Kumar. In it he discusses his influences for focusing on writing and his own personal philosophy on writing. It is fairly brief, but worthwhile.

One of the rules is to set modest goals. Most times I read suggestions on writing, the same thing is listed every time: write every day. Pretty simple, really. Kumar was the first to have the modesty part. He only suggested about 150 words. Truth be told, I am almost there as of this sentence. I thought that even I can do that. So, here I am giving it a go.

Now, one of his other rules is something I definitely work on: walk for 10 minutes.

Basically, get some exercise everyday. Granted, this is something I should probably do any way. I have even been talking with my more in-shape brother on a regimen to get into. I think it is more of a sign now that I have seen in on a list of suggestions on how to write well. Even thinking back to reading Stephen King's On Writing, he makes reference to going on walks a lot. (It was even on a walk that lead to him being hit by a car.) Still, even a walk is better than just sitting around all day. It could get the blood flowing to the right places to inject life into dormant brain cells.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Flare up

I feel like crap.

It isn't a medical thing. There is no ailment, that I am aware of contaminating my system. My medicines, analgesics and daily vitamins seem to be doing their job. It seems to be emotional.

I apparently have emotions. Score one for not being a robot. At least not an unsophisticated robot. Still, no idea what my actual problem is at the moment. Could be many things. Could be one thing. Could be psychosis, but I doubt that. I already think I am partially crazy, so that must mean I am not right? That's how that works... Maybe.

Other than that. I got nothing. I keep getting urges to write something. Creative urges. It's weird, I know. Urges send me to bad places. Maybe that is how I got here? Too much introspection.

Anyway, I am starting to either fizzle or spark. I have no idea which. Like a freshly struck match, will I flare-up to burn out, or become a raging inferno, consuming all in my path. Perhaps somewhere in-between, like canned fuel for those summer parties trying to keep the roast beef warm till the end of the buffet. Who knows? I sure don't.

If I write about what is really going on in my head, I would probably sound like a high school goth kid. Bad poetry and all. Not a cutter or anything, just a mopey kid who has no idea what the real world is or what he should be.  Even worse, I don't think anyone would really care. Don't know if that is emo me, or current me. Probably all of the above.

People are in their own world, dealing with their own stuff. I am torn between not wanting to burden anyone with my problems and feeling like my problems aren't as significant as their own. Many people see their own life as the only thing that is important. I don't know how I feel about that. I want to be selfish. I am certainly not altruistic. I just don't know what is me.

So ends a tiny rant from an insignificant man. Go about your day.