The other night, I had just finished
work and was on my way home. The Wednesday after New Years day was
the first full day I was back at work. I had previously called out on
Monday from a stomach bug that destroyed my insides from the night
before. I had never been so dehydrated in my life. Still, after
recovering a bit with no upheavals, it was time for work. Thankfully,
Tuesday, New Years Day, wasn't a full day for work. The mall allowed
for a shorter schedule for whatever reason seemed logical. But,
Wednesday, was my first full, double-shift day at work.
Overall, the day and night at work were
fine. It wasn't particularly exciting for me. There were people
playing games at the store and generally having fun complaining about
rules or comics or their day. I remember leaving for the night and it
was cold outside. Makes sense it being winter and all. Still, I
should have let my car warm up, but decided against it, and made the
simple trip home.
Strangely, there were a few cars on the
road for being a dead time of night for the suburbs. No one was in
front of me, but plenty were behind while I drove the single road I
need to make it most of the way to the neighborhood. By the time I
got about two-thirds of the way there, I was finally stopped by a
red-light. An exceptionally long lasting red-light.
About 50 or so yards ahead, a cop
pulled someone over. Lights flashing, no siren, the two cars sat one
behind the other on the opposite side of the road. I was the first at
the red-light, waiting patiently for it to turn green, listening to
Stone Temple Pilots play on the radio.
I waited some more.
And more.
I wasn't going to go through the
red-light despite the opposing traffic having their own right of way.
Flickering through it's series of scheduled signals, the opposing
traffic had no delay in service. The line of cars behind me grew
longer and longer. Still, the light was red, and there was a cop not
far ahead of me. I wasn't about to start my New Year with a ticket.
Interestingly enough, no one even
honked at the inactivity. Some one was eventually frustrated to the
point of getting out of line, to make a u-turn at the connecting
street. As soon as the they were swinging around, the light finally
turned green, and I was on my way.
Finally home, the standard ritual
applied, some decompression in the water-closet. There was a problem
though. For some reason, the lights and outlets in the hallway and
bathroom were out. Earlier in the night, something shorted out and
caused them to just cease functioning. It wasn't a breaker because
nothing was tripped. We found out later that a socket arced and
cause a short.
Still, I sat on the porcelain throne in
the dark. A Glade scented candle flickered on the sink. I sat and
worried at first that I couldn't even read anything in such poor
light. Then I imagined that this must have been close to the founding
fathers. I thought I was a powdered wig away from colonialism. It was
all very relaxing.
So, if there is one recommendation I
could give, take a moment and just poop by candlelight. You may just
feel better at the end of the day.
