Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year!


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Everyone have a good new year. maybe this will see more action in 2006.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Monday, December 19, 2005

Return?

Shit. I really haven't been here in forever.

Either one of two things probably have taken place. I have either had a burgeoning social life and cannot freely find any time to post the wonderful news of my interactions. Or, I've been slipping into even more boring stuff and don't find it necessary to burden it with all the fine people that read this tripe.

Who knows if I will ever return here with any regularity? I don't even know if anyone reads this. If they don't, then I can post all kinds of shit. If they do, I have to censor myself to some degree.

Monday, September 19, 2005

man, this is lame.

I never come here anymore. I really should though. I have just been hurting for some ideas as of late to just rant on. Most times, I think I could just type for 10 minutes and that would be the extent of my testimony. I can't have that. If I can't make something lengthy, then there is no point to reading it. At least that's what I tell my delusional self.

I'll probably think of something poignant and fun soon. Anyone have any ideas?

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Slightly annoyed

I was annoyed tonight.

I was extremely tired when I get home. All I wanted to do was sleep. Most people want to do that when they're tired, I know. Still. My eyes kept wanting to close. So, I took care of same stuff as soon as I walked in the door from work. Made sure the pool has some chemicals in it.

I became annoyed because I started to get crankey and tired. When I went to get something to eat, the bread was still thawing out, so that made me upset. Later, I tried to put my model together, but that turned sour because I was missing a piece. I wound up getting a sandwich. Shortly afterwards though, I passed out for three hours.

I woke up and visited the bar which was surprisingly crowded. It even had people that appeared to be around my age. It was a strange concept. Kareoke brings out all sorts. Still, it was an all right night after I had a couple drinks in me.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Mix Tape

I've bought a lot of new music recently. Well, it's at least new to me. Most of it is stuff I have heard for a very long time, but never owed myself.

I've been bouncing around in my head for a while now the idea for a new mix CD. I might go with a theme, I may not. Needless to say, music is consuming a lot of my time and thought now.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Quotable

Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.
Orson Welles US actor & director (1915 - 1985)

I like this quote. It seems to fit for a lot of things. I like Shakespeare, but I do read it to just pick out the quotes that sound good.

I know I wanted to write something creative here. I just don't have the energy. I might make a stab at poetry. It won't be good. I can promise you that. I should just write something that doesn't consist of me typing and rambling on about nothing. It's worse than a Seinfeld episode. At least people paid attention to that.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Coming soon

I should write something creative here. I'll attempt it tomorrow. I have an idea on something. I just don't have the energy to try and express it now. Hopefully, it won't be depressing... Well, too depressing at least.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Poetry

I've never been any good at poetry.

I could write line after line, couplet after couplet, and not come up with something meaningful. I'm just not that great at expressing myself through metaphysical means. Well, at least through the art of poetry.

I've tried writing it before, but it never felt right. For me, it just seemed like a few lines jotted down on a screen or paper that didn't really make much sense. Most of the time, it didn't portray what I was trying to explain anyway. It's supposed to be about feeling and expression, but it mostly wound up as crap.

I'm not saying that I don't like poetry. I do. I've always like Shakespeare's Sonnets, even some Robert Frost and e e cummings are good every once and a while. I just don't think it's easy to express oneself through poetry, at least not expressed well.

I should probably just sit down and write some awful poetry, just to do it. I should give an example on how bad I truly am at it. I'll probably compose something when I can think of something worth expressing. Right now, I don't know what's going on to express it. Then again, confusion could be a poem, right?

Friday, June 24, 2005

Personality Tests

Sometimes, I get bored with the internet and I can't watch television. Therefore, I need things to distract me while I await my turn on the idiot box. Usually, that consists of reading random crap, but tonight I went for the Personality Tests.

Here it goes...

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


I also was...

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


That's what I get for breaking a dead 50% in each of the Thinking and Feeling categories.

Other stuff...



Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 56%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 53%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 56%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||| 26%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 33%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||| 40%
Your main type is 6
Your variant is self pres
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com



I guess it's safe to say that i am usually anxious.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Tempest

I don't write here anymore. I probably should. Still, it's not like people actually read this drivel.

For the most part, I have had plenty of things to write about. I just lack the courage and fortitude to actually put them down. I'm afraid of what I might say. Of how what I write will be interpreted and manipulated into something it isn't.

My feelings are a tempest raging on the sea of loneliness. I shift tides and sink lower all the time. I also reach the eye of the storm and feel calm. I don't know what or how I feel.

Is it love? Is it desire? I'm not sure.

I know I feel something. I just can't say it. The words are there, at the tip of my tongue and fingertips. Nothing is said for fear of response.

I am the great destroyer. Yet, I don't want to hurt anything. The balance and status quo are maintained so that I can become comfortable in where I am. Things change, and I am unsettled. I rock the foundation more. Wallowing in my own fears and supposed desires. What should I feel?

I feel something. It's both good and bad. I want the badness to morph into pleasentries. The good can stay.

There is something or someone that I love, but fear holds me back. I rationalize nothing will ever happen. I shrink. I turn away from everything because I trap myself in worry.

I have to realize something. Things will get better. I have to make some changes. Maybe, with luck and love someone else will make changes too.

Friday, June 03, 2005

ignore

I haven't been here in a while. I've ben ignoring you. I'm sorry. I just haven't been that creative with more than a few words lately. I am a bad writer.

Monday, May 09, 2005

It's Time to Pay the Price

Ok, I haven't written anything. I have no excuses except for my procrastination. I'll write something soon. I promise. It might not be anything good or all that enjoyable. Something will get written though.

It's not like anyone actually reads this though. So, I'll just keep talking to myself. Attempting to reassure that I will actually do something other than work, sleep, watch tv, and waste time on the internet.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Breaking

Well, I am the worst writer in the world. I haven't done anything productive yet. Well... That's not entirely true. I have been trying to read more. Nothing substantial. I'll probably open a real book on the bus ride to work tomorrow. Other than that, it's been a heavy diet of comic books and internet jargon. I like reading peoples different blogs. There are really only a few I visit with any consistently, but I occasionally venture into other lands. Usually, I just follow the links on other blogs to see what's going on somewhere else.

If it's not blogs, then it's new sources for entertainment and hard news. Doom and gloom present inspiration. Plain old, out-there, stuff is good fodder for my brain as well. One can't pass up the reading of 616 being the real mark of the Beast.

I'll probably work on some readable stuff this weekend. I might start drafting or brainstorming at work, or at home if I'm not too tired.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Nothing New

Well, I haven't written anything yet. I spent a decent amount of time trying to find all my materials. Basically, I'm making excuses not to do actual, creative work.

I started to clean my bedroom. Make that, I am attempting to clean my bedroom. There are stacks upon stacks of books, comics and CD's everywhere. I forgot I had most of the stuff there. So, now I am finding all the things I bought or acquired to further my writing hobby. Basically, I found my legal pad and a bunch of pens and pencils, along with a pencil sharpener.

I'm going to try and work on something this week just to get my mind started.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Internet Reading

I started looking at some of the websites I normally visit. I find myself attracted to some of the more informative, kick you in the ass style, ones. Since I plan on writing something eventually (I should put my degree to use somehow), I've been looking at some resources.

I originally started with the whole Blogging experience by reading Warren Ellis' site. I don't know him personally, but I am a fan of his comics work. After reading some of his mainstream comic titles, I delved into more of his esoteric writing. While reading, I discovered that you don't really need to be claimed down to one idea or genre.

From Warren Ellis, I tacked onto John Roger's Kung Fu Monkey. I was originally attracted to the site through Warren's because of a post about the state of the comic book industry. I liked the style and flow of Rodger's writing, so I kept coming back for more. It inspired me in some ways to start this blog here. It's on the same host site. Hell, I used the same template design.

Since I keep leap-frogging to get more data for my malnourished brain, I found a link on Kung Fu Monkey for yet another writing site. Wordplayer contains articles on trying to develop and sell potential screenplay. I just started reading the columns, and they are pretty interesting. While I may not want to extensively write screenplays, the site is treated as just a resource for writing in general for me. It emphasizes the points of a script or story that should standout and get recognized. It's something that I'm going to digest and decide for myself where to go next.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Do the Robot

Figured that I would use this for what a lot of other people use blogs for: links to interesting things. I haven't read the article yet, but I will. It just sounded cool. I left the link so that I can reread it when I have some time to get through it. I like robots.

Why Robots are scary --- and cool

Sunday, April 24, 2005

coming shortly

Yeah, I haven't written anything here in a while. I'm going to write something soon though. I'm not quite sure how to put it. Needless to say, it probably won't be the most uplifting piece.

Monday, April 04, 2005

It's Funny Being Alone

While I may be alone in the actual context of the word, I realize that I am not entire alone in my situation. What I mean is this: I do not currently have a significant other (or even an insignificant other for that matter). All people are single at some point in time. It's a given. Certainly, I haven't been in this state as long as plenty of other people in the world (I call them eunuchs). Still, it just sucks having no one there for you.

Floating around the internet, I've found a multitude of people in the similar, single predicament. There may be support groups and such for these kind of things, but who actually thinks they should go to them. I sure as hell don't. What I find funny is the amount of people that join these internet communities (like Myspace) in search for something. There are places on the internet for these types of personal ads. The problem with an online resource for dating is that it usually costs money for the service. They all proclaim a free profile thing-a-magig, but it winds up that you have to pay to allow anyone to actually see it.

With Myspace, people have taken it upon themselves to build up their friend communities to form a sort of dating pool. I'm not one of them. Most of the opposite gender people on my lists for such things already have that "In A Relationship" tag added to their profile. Just my luck that the number of single people I know are dwindling by the second.

I can't get over the common bulletin or blog about the search for companionship. I'll sit at my computer and write about how it sucks to be alone, but I won't create the "potential girlfriend" questionnaire. Those things make no sense to me. I might make a note or leave a comment about the type of girl that I am looking for at the moment, but I won't have a potential candidate for companionship fill out a form of compatibility. What's the point of it? Is someone that is genuinely interested in me going to actually take the time to fill it out? If they do fill it out, should I feel afraid that someone is desperate enough respond to my requested desires? I just wouldn't know what to do if someone that was genuinely interested replied to my desperation.

Do I like being alone? Well, no, I don't. Most people don't like being alone. It sucks when no one is there for you. I just don't feel the need to advertise myself through an act of desperation. Sure, I've had no luck in the finding a special someone department, but I'm still out there. Much to certain people's denial, sometimes things just fall into your lap. I guess that's what I hoping for. It probably won't happen. I still think it's a better way to go about it than by publishing a "would you kiss me" bulletin.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Compressed Noodles

My mind is a clusterfuck.

So much crap is jammed in there. It's like a train station that just had every departing train delayed. Constant movement without anyone going anywhere. I should ask for a refund.

All these thoughts and such swirl in my brain, trying to escape. They can't. I don't have the proper facilities to accommodate them. They fester and corrode my mind. They give me headaches.

I need an outlet. A proper place to vent. A time to blow off the steam that is my silence. I can't talk about my mind. It could hurt people. It could explode and potentially damage the property value of 3 square blocks, at the very least.

My brain hurts. Maybe sleep will help with that. If that fails, I guess it's time to resort to more drastic measures...like Advil.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

St. Patty's aftermath

Well, St. Patty's Day has come and gone. Nothing to report on that front. I embarrassed my heritage and didn't consume any alcohol. As a matter of fact, I slept. I slept a lot. A horrible 3 hour nap. I shouldn't have rested that long. It served no purpose and made me an insomniac for the rest of the night.

Other than that, nothing else is important. I'm still doing the same boring shit on another boring day.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

St. Patty's Day is coming

OK, so St. Patty's Day is coming up in a couple days. As of right this second, I have no real plans. I'm Irish, I should indulge in my heritage. Guiness should flow like the river, Styx. Maybe that's a bad example. Still, drinking should be commonplace for someone as young as me.

I should go out somewhere, but where exacly? I was offered to head into a town called, Media, to hit up a new Irish place. I'd like to take up the offer, but as of now, I have no way of getting there besides hopping on a couple different buses and geting there 3 hours after I leave home. This isn't really my favorite option.

Knowing me, I'll probably not do anything. If I get desperate enough for social contact and a requirement of bender, then I'll probably wonder down to the watering hole around the corner. There I will be in the presence of a handful of middle-aged winos looking to escape their present life by indulging themselves in fantasies created by a cruel, fermented god.

I'll think of something, I guess.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Y100 last 30 minutes

I came across the last 30 minutes of the Preston And Steve morning show of the now defunct Y100. Y100 was a local modern rock station in Philadelphia. On February 24th it was taken off the air. After an announcement that Preston and Steve were leaving for another station, Radio One, who owns Y100, decided that it was in their best intrests to switch formats to a hip-hop station. As of now, there is no modern rock station in Philadelphia.

This is the last 30-something minutes of the Preston and Steve show of their final broadcast for Y100.

http://www.phillytailgate.com/y100/preston_steve_y100_final30.mp3

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I'm a Geeked-Out Fanboy

I am a geeked out fanboy.

I work in a comic book store, so it's already obvious that I am a geek. Still, I don't think I'm hardly as bad as some of the clientele I get in the store. In any case, I turned into a big geek today, at least for a little while.

Around noon or so, a guy can in looking to sell a collection. Apparently, his mother was a packrat and stored all kinds of things. He found a box of old comics in the attic, and didn't know what else to do with them. So, I gave him the typical speil. "Bring them in , in a box. Leave your name and number on the box. The owner will take a look at them when he gets the chance." Thankfully, the guy was a lot more receptive then most of the other people we tell that to. Most people are trying to sell a spawn #1, but want to be there when the owner looks at it so that he doesn't steal it or something. My boss has had to say, on more occasions than probably necessary, that his reputation isn't worth that kind of hassle. Also, if the person wanted to learn how to grade the books while my boss did it, then it would cost over $50 an hour. Time is money, and nothing is free.

In any case, I looked at the top comics in the box and noticed they were a couple Gold Key books, which are pretty cool. My boss usually likes those, so I left it at that. A little later on, my boss went through the collection, separating it into noteworthy things. Every so often, he puts a book on the side counter. I saw him do this a couple times, and get intrigued.

I walked over to see what they were. Lo and behold, there was an Amazing Spiderman #2. I've never seen that issue before. I've seen plenty of reprints and such, but not the actual thing I front of me. A couple neat books later, and down drops Avengers #4, the first appearance of the Silver Age captain America. Keep in mind that the Avengers book has a NM value of $2500 and the GD value of about $200. Still, I was afraid to touch them.

I was totally geeked out because when my boss sent me to put them in a bigger, better box, I couldn't do it. I got the box for the books, but didn't want to actually touch them because I didn't trust myself with handling them. I still haven't touched them.

I'm just a big dork. What else can I say?

Monday, February 28, 2005

I still hate snow

Snow is horrible when I have to work.
I hate it.
I don't want to go to work, but the snow will only be starting then.
I'll get in and start doing my shit, then I'll turn around and realize that the whole mall is empty.
I still won't be able to leave though.
No one else will be there, and I'll be standing around wondering when I can go home.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

This snow

Well, this snow is going to suck. I can feel it.

The day is going to start with snow flurries as I head into the mall. My coworker will probably think about calling out. Every shopper will think about staying home, and half of them will. I'll probably have about 3 sales form open till noon. Only a handful after that as well.

The whole mall will be busy thinking about what's going to happen. Whether or not the mall will officially close is up in the air. If the mall could stay open through nuclear winter, they would. Only after the poking and prodding of the anchor store, i.e. Sears, JC Pennys, and Boscovs, will the mall even think about closing. They'll probably issue warnings and such saying that they are remaining open. 15 minutes later, they'll probably say they'll close in a couple hours. 10 minutes later, the entire mall will be dead quiet. No shoppers. Most of the stores will have closed by then knowing that no business will still take place. What's the point of staying open if there is no money to be made?

I'll probably wind up waiting for a bus in the cold snow. I've done it before in a blizzard, and it's not fun. I'll pay my $3.10 for bus fair, zone charge, and transfer slip. The bus will probably be late, and run slow. I'll miss my second bus. I'll still probably wind up walking through my door at about the same time I would if it hadn't snowed.

This snow is going to suck.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Mall

I hate working at a mall. It kills the trill of being there.

I remember when I was a kid that a trip to the mall was a fun experience. We rarely went, so any time we got a chance to go it was an experience. Most of the time I just wanted to check out the arcade. Still, later and later, as I grew up, I explored other areas, like the CD and Video stores. Later, came the videogame stores. Still, I liked being there because I knew the experience wasn't going to last. I was in the moment.

Now, I've worked there for about 2 and a half years, and the nostalgia is gone. I don't necessarily dread going. I do work there after all, and now I get paid to be there. Still, I get no thrill about anywhere in the mall now. Whether I am working or not, I don't like to be there. There is no excitement left. If there is something I want to buy, I know exactly were to go. There is no adventure left. When it comes to shopping, I usually want to spend as little time in the mall as possible. If I am out somewhere, it's a different story. Another mall is like methadone to me. The buzz is there for a bit, but it's still the same so I revert to not wanting to be there.

Thanks to the computer age, I usually know what comes out and when preplan most of my purchases. Sometimes I don't go into a store without a plan, but then I can't make a decision on what to get. The impulse buy section of my brain is on the fritz. It works sometimes and makes me buy things like, Plan 9 From Outer Space, but other than that, not much holds my interest while in a mall.

I guess the thing is that I don't really go any other place to buy things. I am trapped in the world of convience. I know the mall is more expensive than many other stores, but I don't have the other stores right outside my work's door. Even when I purposely push-off buying something to get it at a cheaper price in a non-mall place, I usually forget about what I wanted because it's months later. I just need to get out more.

I honestly do miss the experience of being thrilled to go to the mall. It's hard for me to go if I'm not already at or going to work. I'm already there most of the week. Going there for something on my day off, just seems pointless when I can just wait a day or two and save the trip. Malls are a trap.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Catch-22

The past is a very weird place.

A lot of the things today are different from how they were when I was younger. I use the "I" because I'm talking about me. I speak so that I know that I'm really here.

Still, the past has both good a bad points. There are things I wish I could do over again, and get it right this time. I liked a lot of the people that I once knew. I don't speack to them all now, but sometimes that could be considered a good thing. The bad tends to outweigh the good though. There are too many things I wish I can forget. Wish they never happened in the first place. Most of which I won't even tell any body. I fear how the past will effect the present.

They always say the those who forget the past, are doomed to repeat it. Maybe that's why I am forced to remember the bad times more vividly than the good. If I forget the good times, then it's only fair that I relive those moments at some point.

It's a catch-22. I want good memories so that I know I did good things. Yet, if I remember those things that were good, good things are less likely to happen.

Friday, February 18, 2005

night

The night lingers on and the night remains dark. Too early for sunrise, too late for cars to pass by. The bars are closed and I sit in front of a computer. Leno prattles on in the background about something prescribed and unfunny. The audience applauds, responding to a Pavlovian response.

I need sleep. I need to drink more. I'm afflicted with a disease that keeps me from succumbing to dark urges. I killed that part of me. It was the fun part. The interesting part. The part people still talk about to this day. It's dead though. Gone away, and I can never have it back.

Things are different now. Parts have become happier, but the gloom still exists. I will persevere. It's the only thing I can do. More and more keeps getting ripped from my being. Flesh tears and soul sears. Wounds heal only to be torn open again.

I will sleep soon. I will lay in my bed and wish to submit to the REM. It won't come soon enough. It teases me. The dream is the only escape. The place where I am still me. Where I can be myself and no one is watching.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Gifts

My birthday is actually coming up next week. I already received my first gift for it.

I open my mailbox today, and there's a package for me. The lovely people at Marlboro were kind enough to send me a deck of playing cards. The funny thing is that I don't even smoke. I wound up taking one of them survey things while at a bar, one night, last summer, and the company sent me a birthday gift. How nice of them. I could always repay the favor, but I'd already have as many bad habits as I would like at the moment.

In other events, I have to try and figure out what the hell I'm doing about my birthday. I should do something. Last time I went out with a couple friends to a place that doesn't even exist anymore. Maybe I'll strike out again and close down another place unwittingly. Any suggestions?

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Wow! The Things you learn.

What's funny is that I just now find out the meaning of this word:

(Actually taken from the homepage of Hello: where you can host pictures for blogging posts)

What's a Blog?
"Blog" is short for Web log, which can be anything from a news site to an online journal. Blogs allow you to instantly publish your thoughts and ideas from anywhere.
People all over the world have blogs. It's a fun and easy way to keep in touch with your friends, post links to interesting webpages, or just record your thoughts.

Entry One

Well, I guess this is the first entry in the blog I just set up. It is definitely not going to be anything important or earth-shattering.

I am doing this because I think it's interesting. I've been reading a few people's blogs every now and again for a little while, and decided it could be a decent place for me to write some stuff people might actually look at as well.

Mainly, this is just to make me feel better.

I always wanted to write more, and Blogging allows my constant, misspelled typing to see some print. I don't need a reason. I don't need a purpose. Hell, most of the things I find here will probably just be borrowed and showcased from other sites and blogs. Don't worry, I'll give credit where credit is due.