Monday, July 14, 2014

Flare up

I feel like crap.

It isn't a medical thing. There is no ailment, that I am aware of contaminating my system. My medicines, analgesics and daily vitamins seem to be doing their job. It seems to be emotional.

I apparently have emotions. Score one for not being a robot. At least not an unsophisticated robot. Still, no idea what my actual problem is at the moment. Could be many things. Could be one thing. Could be psychosis, but I doubt that. I already think I am partially crazy, so that must mean I am not right? That's how that works... Maybe.

Other than that. I got nothing. I keep getting urges to write something. Creative urges. It's weird, I know. Urges send me to bad places. Maybe that is how I got here? Too much introspection.

Anyway, I am starting to either fizzle or spark. I have no idea which. Like a freshly struck match, will I flare-up to burn out, or become a raging inferno, consuming all in my path. Perhaps somewhere in-between, like canned fuel for those summer parties trying to keep the roast beef warm till the end of the buffet. Who knows? I sure don't.

If I write about what is really going on in my head, I would probably sound like a high school goth kid. Bad poetry and all. Not a cutter or anything, just a mopey kid who has no idea what the real world is or what he should be.  Even worse, I don't think anyone would really care. Don't know if that is emo me, or current me. Probably all of the above.

People are in their own world, dealing with their own stuff. I am torn between not wanting to burden anyone with my problems and feeling like my problems aren't as significant as their own. Many people see their own life as the only thing that is important. I don't know how I feel about that. I want to be selfish. I am certainly not altruistic. I just don't know what is me.

So ends a tiny rant from an insignificant man. Go about your day.

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