Tempest

I don't write here anymore. I probably should. Still, it's not like people actually read this drivel.

For the most part, I have had plenty of things to write about. I just lack the courage and fortitude to actually put them down. I'm afraid of what I might say. Of how what I write will be interpreted and manipulated into something it isn't.

My feelings are a tempest raging on the sea of loneliness. I shift tides and sink lower all the time. I also reach the eye of the storm and feel calm. I don't know what or how I feel.

Is it love? Is it desire? I'm not sure.

I know I feel something. I just can't say it. The words are there, at the tip of my tongue and fingertips. Nothing is said for fear of response.

I am the great destroyer. Yet, I don't want to hurt anything. The balance and status quo are maintained so that I can become comfortable in where I am. Things change, and I am unsettled. I rock the foundation more. Wallowing in my own fears and supposed desires. What should I feel?

I feel something. It's both good and bad. I want the badness to morph into pleasentries. The good can stay.

There is something or someone that I love, but fear holds me back. I rationalize nothing will ever happen. I shrink. I turn away from everything because I trap myself in worry.

I have to realize something. Things will get better. I have to make some changes. Maybe, with luck and love someone else will make changes too.