night

The night lingers on and the night remains dark. Too early for sunrise, too late for cars to pass by. The bars are closed and I sit in front of a computer. Leno prattles on in the background about something prescribed and unfunny. The audience applauds, responding to a Pavlovian response.

I need sleep. I need to drink more. I'm afflicted with a disease that keeps me from succumbing to dark urges. I killed that part of me. It was the fun part. The interesting part. The part people still talk about to this day. It's dead though. Gone away, and I can never have it back.

Things are different now. Parts have become happier, but the gloom still exists. I will persevere. It's the only thing I can do. More and more keeps getting ripped from my being. Flesh tears and soul sears. Wounds heal only to be torn open again.

I will sleep soon. I will lay in my bed and wish to submit to the REM. It won't come soon enough. It teases me. The dream is the only escape. The place where I am still me. Where I can be myself and no one is watching.